everything inside of you that you *wish* you could be

Today, I did a creative English SAC, sent in a poem to the Dorothea McKellar (always meant to, since year seven, but, well, never got 'round to it) and entered something in the Monash public library short fiction competition.

I'm writing again, it feels good :)

I'm getting there. Slowly. One step at a time, right?

paraphrased and pathetic but I'm gettin' there

"At the risk of sounding trite, I would like to say that I am happy you are happy."

That was a nice period of time, I think.





Now, to the future?

are you martyr or mouse or maybe just mediocre?

Feeling kinda lackadaisical these days. Also feeling FAT. Honestly, this whole winter-fattening thing is totally upsetting. I can put on three kilos of clothing, just don't let it be three kilos of FAT. Today, it's three kilos, next year it'll be fifteen, flicking through FaceBook photos of myself in my 'glory days' and most terribly - a few more years and I'll be jumbo the whale or something. Or just a jumbo whale.

I mean seriously is it that hard to get a model-body?

Answer? YES.

Onto more serious matters, I'm tired, drained and generally just wish to feel happy/attractive/WARM. I find that on the rare occasion I *do* feel warm - those ten minutes just before 'awake' in a cocoon of blankets - I am thrown out of said comfyness almost immediately. I swear, if my father could just get the heating fixed, I would... I dunno, do something dramatic.

I need to start writing properly again. Short stories are better than nothing. I don't suppose I can expect to write the Great Australian Novel In The Style of the Great European Novel That Does Not Have Any Reference to Arvos, Snags, Budgie Smugglers Or Any Place Name That Involves More Than Four Vowels when I'm seventeen with a chip on my shoulder, but, well Zadie-frickin'-Smith did it.

I'm a fucking snob/sob story, I know.

They paved paradise & put up a parking lot...

lying still doesn't ease the weight

I need to stop messaging people who don't message me. Namely: K, C & L. It would be easier if I didn't see stuff/people that reminded me of K, stopped missing C and whined to A instead of L. Sometimes I just want to smack myself, god knows my mother might be right about this one thing. Well.

Methods SAC today, went well even by my standards. When you're left bemoaning the lack of 'where 'c' is a constant' where others didn't finish the paper, it's a nice feeling. I will, of course, be punished for this on another section I'm sure, tomorrow.

Seeing P on Sunday for IKEA breakfast (so hokey it's good) and a State Lib session, told C yesterday and he was all faux-betrayed. *does* seem strange in a way not to be throwing water around the corner table and trying not to get it on the revs books, but maybe a good thing?

I'm getting better, I think. A bit more in control. I'm getting back into my headspace and I want to start submitting stuff around and writing more and getting shit published, so that's awesome. Really.

Formal was nice :)

(hehehe 'Miss Individual' :D)