Lately, I've been abandoning exercise and real hydration, which approximates to feeling like a blob with bad skin to boot. No idea how I'm ever going to fit into a bikini this summer; it would be nice to weigh less than I did in summer 07/08; I still can't look at pictures from then without going OMG PLEASE SUCK IN THAT TUMMY. At some point, I will go back to Bikram - maybe twice a week, that sounds like a reasonable number. Ballroom across the break too; perhaps another class? Did some Swing today, it was nice but I need to put more energy into it and focus on technique a bit more. There's a new teacher, he looks kind of like a Jewish hippie and makes me laugh.
Speaking of Swing, there is this absolutely beautiful man. I shall henceforth refer to him as 'T'. He makes me wonder whether the Ex was my type or whether my type is just my Ex. Pop the two side-by-side and they'd look more like twins than brothers, that's how uncanny it is. They're both built sort of thin, pale, with a jut of brow and an elegant jawline. Similar kind of drab dressing, looks-at-home-in-a-library with a little reserve. Little things are endearing on T though - the way he rolls up his sleeves; the way he's trying to lead properly; the way he looks at you intently, intensely without makin' with the rapistface. I want him. I want him like I haven't wanted in so very long. This kind of wanting makes me question myself though, so uncomfortable and I don't think I'd ever want them to meet. I also have no idea whether he's got a girlfriend, but I pretty much think he's perfect. My stomach is all squiggly :3 Unfortunately my experiences with this kind of male tells me he's probably not the chasing type, which really throws another spanner into it all; and god knows my relationships never work anyway so expect some sort of spectacular crash in a fortnight or so when I frig it all up.
Essentially, I just want to get these exams done with; finish my exchange application and hope really hard that I get to go away for a bit soon. It would also be really nice if T asked me out, but I've sort of learned that fun things like that do not happen to me, so yeah :P At some point, get back into shape, try and fix the work ethic to something respectable. Catch up with all of my favourites, maybe find some enjoyment in writing again. It's been so long since (I made you cry) anything really lovely was written; upsetting.
I'll fix it, I promise. I'll fix everything.
Oh heart.
