I'm really kind of in love with this song. something about it makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time. los grandparents are finally moving out this weekend - and while they've been nice to have around, the feeling of getting to live in my own house will be good. streaking skyclad, here I come.
something like that, anyway.
school is being a bit of a pain but hey, que sera, sera right? I'm trying hard to stay upbeat and happy and I'm kind of torn between my various neuroses (is there actually going to be an email reply? what is the conspiracy? will I ever stop doing crap I have to apologize for? jesus christ, is he happy?) my revolutions work (only up to 1789, am so stressed!) and the terrifying spiral that is procrastination. add a pinch of avoiding the (soon to be ex) Boy, it's kind of depressing.
I dunno. I figure I'll figure it out after exams. that's kind of the mantra right now. after - exams. just keep it together til 5:15pm on the 15th. just - like - that. don't know if I can be sane right now but I gotta try, right? one thing about impeding disaster, it really perks the creativity. suddenly embarking on ambitious, derivative and utterly teenage writing projeckts just before major exams is a real forte. a leitmotif, the better part of me.
a hug would be awesome right now, but nobody gives me real hugs anymore.
this has been exceedingly honest, and reading back it - and the rest of my blog - make me sound like an obsessive, whiny, ungrateful user on the edge of doing something fickly selfish yet again. I'd like to think that I have a nice life, and that I can enjoy said life without needing certain factors + people, and live said life honestly without any (real) malicious intention towards others. I don't know if I succeeded but hey. maybe I should post when I'm not melancholy.
I think I still love you, but you're not reading this so what good does it do?
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