a letter to my (old) lover

Dear D,

You're back in the country, and you're seeping into my life. Slowly, slowly, your name comes up in conversation, and your face appears in digital colour. You sent me a request to be friends over six months ago. I wonder if you did it while you were drunk. H said she left you alone in a bar; maybe that was what it took. Maybe you thought, well, it's time we unfroze the Cold War. Maybe you didn't think at all. I fear the latter more.

Sometimes I fantasise about rejecting you, of seeing you at T's wedding and just leaving you cold. I don't think that will happen. This is what will happen, I think.

- Hello
- Hello, how have you been 
- Great, and you? I hear you've done ____
- Oh, yes, I'm fantastic - really loving the _____
- And your family are well?
- Oh yes, very well

Ad nauseum.

I miss - something. The feeling he gave me. The feeling that I was with exactly the right person. But he wasn't, was he? Not then, not there.

Maybe love,
SL